im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The power of my boobs compel you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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