I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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