with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
