remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
