The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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