I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
