Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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