Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
