I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
