I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
