Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
