I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize