Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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