I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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