Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize