He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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