The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
