I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
