Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
