you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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