I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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