11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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