genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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