sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
