Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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