Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
where am i from again
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
