I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
