So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
