She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
