what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize