He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We don't watch enough power rangers
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
