I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
