I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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