he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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