so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize