I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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