Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
