you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
