i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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