Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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