I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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