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When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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