when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
