i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So much rum. So many feels.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
