i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
