Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
