True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
