if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
