i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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