Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
