masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
