if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
