i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
