I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
