Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
