Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
