This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
