just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
