Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
