Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
