I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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