I'm going to jail i love you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
