Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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