You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
