More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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