i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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