I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
