She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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