i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
