I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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