I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
