New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
