Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize