Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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