Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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