Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You pole danced in your parka.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
