If that was your dad, he is hot
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
its not stalking. its research.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
