all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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